The Dangers of Low Self-Esteem in Men and How to Cope

The Dangers of Low Self-Esteem in Men and How to Cope

Low self-esteem in men is a complicated issue with no single cause. It's often triggered by some earlier event, such as bullying at school or being rejected in love. But it may also be connected to deeper issues such as feeling unloved and unwanted by parents, or fearing that one is not masculine enough. It can lead to a range of problems, including depression and social withdrawal. Such issues are often invisible and awkward to discuss. However, they are common and can be tackled with support from friends, family or even a therapist. Here we look at the dangers of low self-esteem in men and how you can cope…

What is low self-esteem?

Self-esteem refers to how you feel about yourself. If you have low self-esteem, it means that you have a poor opinion of yourself; if you have high self-esteem, it means that you have a good opinion of yourself. Low self-esteem can be triggered by a wide range of experiences, including: 
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• Growing up with critical, angry or abusive parents. 
• Being bullied at school.
•  Feeling that you are not attractive enough.
• Being rejected in love.

The dangers of low self-esteem in men

• Depression.

If you don’t think very highly of yourself, you are more likely to become depressed. This is because the low self-esteem will make you feel hopeless about your future and think that you are a burden on others.

• Isolation and withdrawal.

Low self-esteem can lead you to believe that you are unlikable and that other people don’t want to be around you. This can make it more likely that you will become socially withdrawn, which can make you feel even more depressed and lonely.

• Substance abuse.

If you don’t think very highly of yourself, you are more likely to abuse drugs and alcohol. This is because such substances can make you feel excited and confident, even if you don’t really have the right to feel this way.

• Risky sex.

If you have low self-esteem, you are more likely to engage in risky sexual behaviour. This is because such behaviour is often part of a pattern of people who feel unlovable taking risks in an attempt to feel powerful.

• Avoidance of success.

People with low self-esteem often avoid pursuing success in life, because they are afraid that they won’t succeed.


How to cope with low self-esteem

• Be aware of how your feelings affect your behaviour.

If you’re feeling depressed, anxious or angry, it’s helpful to understand why. If you understand your feelings, you can try to identify their source and deal with it.

• Don’t try to ignore your feelings.

It’s tempting to pretend that you don’t feel low self-esteem, but this is a bad idea. If you ignore your feelings, they are more likely to come back and haunt you at a later date.

• Talk to someone.

If you’re feeling low, depressed or anxious as a result of low self-esteem, it can be helpful to talk to someone about it. It’s important to find the right person to talk to, however. It’s best to talk to a person who accepts you and won’t judge you.

• Take care of your body.

Low self-esteem can lead you to neglect your body, either by not caring for it (e.g., by not eating properly) or by self-harming. You can combat low self-esteem by taking care of your body.

• Challenge your negative thoughts.

If you have low self-esteem, you are more likely to have thoughts that are critical, pessimistic or even paranoid. You can cope with these thoughts by challenging them and looking for evidence that contradicts them.

• Get active.

Physical activity can help you cope with low self-esteem in a number of ways. It can help you take care of your body so that you don’t harm yourself, for example, and it can help you manage your mood and feel happy.


Tips for building confidence in men with low self-esteem

• Learn to love yourself.

If you have low self-esteem, the first step to building confidence is to learn to love yourself. This means accepting all of your flaws as well as your positive qualities. It also means forgiving yourself for past mistakes.

• Focus on your strengths.

If you have low self-esteem, it can help you to focus on your strengths rather than your flaws. For example, if you have low self-esteem because you think you are too fat, you can focus on your intelligence, your good nature or your creativity.

• Join a group.

Joining a group that interests you can help you to feel good about yourself. You can join an online group, or you can look for a group that does something you enjoy in your area.

• Avoid social comparisons.

Comparing yourself to other people can make you feel bad about yourself. You are better off focusing on what you want to achieve and how you can achieve it.

• Focus on the present.

If you have low self-esteem, you are more likely to worry about the future. Worrying about the future rarely helps you to achieve your goals, and it also rarely makes you feel good about yourself.


Low self-esteem is a complicated issue that is often triggered by some earlier event. If you have low self-esteem, it’s important to understand where it comes from and how it affects you. Once you know this, you can start to tackle it. You can do this by learning to love yourself, focusing on your strengths, joining a group and avoiding social comparisons. With these strategies, you can start to feel better about yourself and build your confidence.